Saturday, April 19, 2008

Another Heaven-Birth

Last night we lost another 9 week baby. We don't know why, although we hope to get some kind of medical answer in the future. As we grieve we covet your prayers for our healing. Right now it seems like a reoccurring nightmare. This song could have come straight from my heart. Take some time to listen.

Held by Natalie Grant

Two months is too little.
They let him go.
They had no sudden healing.
To think that providence would
Take a child from his mother while she prays
Is appalling.

Who told us we'd be rescued?
What has changed and why should we be saved from nightmares?
We're asking why this happens
To us who have died to live?
It's unfair.

Chorus:
This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we'd be held.

This hand is bitterness.
We want to taste it, let the hatred numb our sorrow.
The wise hand opens slowly to lilies of the valley and tomorrow.

(Chorus)
This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we'd be held.

Bridge:
If hope is born of suffering.
If this is only the beginning.
Can we not wait for one hour watching for our Savior?

6 comments:

tiawren said...

i will cry with you...

Anonymous said...

I listened to the song and let the tears roll down my cheek. I turned it up loud and let the music fill me. This is my grandchild. I am so glad that he (he or she, but I'm stuck on boys right now) was welcomed even in his short stay here. His coming was heralded with stripes of teal and orange and brown, with a blog all his own, with many hearts full of hope.
I hate death. It is the last enemy to be destroyed, and someday it will be, but not yet. And so we live with death. Endings and partings that cause us so much sorrow. All it took from my daughter was a call on my cell phone as I was driving to Newport this morning. She asked if I could stop by on my way home. And then I knew. I knew he was gone. I knew that the hope was not be.
I cried and thought about God giving a life and God taking a life. I thought about the times that God has given life to me and then taken that life away. I remembered the grief and tears and pain. Then I remembered that each time He has also given me something else. I have no idea what He might give to my daughter. His ways and thoughts are not mine and He will choose something that I wouldn't. All I know is that He is not the kind of God who just takes. He is not ruthless and uncaring. His love is so deep that it transcends the pain. But we must wait on Him. The love may come as you listen to a song. It may surprise you as you drive over a hill and see a sunrise. It may overwhelm you some moment when you least expect it.
And in between there will be lots of moments of pain, tears, longing, and sadness. But so be it. His life deserved no less.

Kate said...

With tears in my eyes, I cannot add anything more to what your 'Grammie' said, Kathryn but amen...just know that my heart aches with yours over the pain of not knowing this sweet and precious baby on earth. I will be lifting y'all up before God's throne of grace that you might find Him and His love enough and His strength to carry you during this time. I love you, my dear friend...Kari

Anonymous said...

Kathryn, Yesterday when I first caught notice of your FB status soon after you posted, I started crying,sobbing. The pain of the loss that only what I call the "world of women" can know and share. Death of the life that is within you while it is still within you, while it is still specially yours. Today I could face listening to the song and trying to post - my heart, my hands, my love try to reach out to you through this monitor. I had begun to plan a quilt of orange, teal, red, lime and chocolate....
God is big. So big that I do not understand Him which is at it should be and the reason that He can be fully trusted to do good for us even when it is enveloped in pain and sorrow, and He brings into our lives the incomprehensible.
You are, as always, in our daily prayers. Love, Reita

Hopewell Lady said...

Oh my dear Kathryn! I'm sorry for this ending of a life not fully realized. Our thoughts and prayers, our love and support are with you all always.

Heather

Suzy D. said...

Kathryn, i just found your baby blog last night...i've heard that song before but it never hit me like it did listening to it then; thinking about you and how much you must be hurting, and about the niece/nephew i won't see till heaven.
Love you, and praying for all of you.