Living Hope

I was flipping through a magazine a few weeks ago. It was one of those very conservative Christian women's mags that gives you the idea that the only thing women can do is have babies and grow vegetables. The theme for this issue seemed to be miracle babies; stories of women (or men) who had been sterilized, or who finally adopted and then had babies. It was rather fascinating but something about it disturbed me. Often the women would have a scripture that they felt God was using to tell them they would have a baby. The stories went on to tell how they did, though sometimes many years later. My first reaction was highly skeptical. How many verses must there be that can be randomly selected and then interpreted to mean that a baby is being promised? But my next thought was more emotional; I am disappointed that I have lost pregnancies and haven't been able to have more kids. Who are these women to read a verse and assume they are going to have a baby? Eventually I moved on to a more rational opinion of this : Having a close, prayerful relationship with Jesus is to be treasured and desired above all else, and the Holy Spirit does use his word to guide us even in those sensitive emotional times. Sometimes we take scripture out of context to mean what we really want it to mean, but when we are truly seeking Him we can trust him to be our Rock.
Fast forward a couple weeks. I have a positive pregnancy test at 4 weeks with a dollar tree test! What do I think about this? I am excited but very scared. I really do not want to go through another miscarriage. I wonder how on earth, after a year and a half of waiting, we were able to conceive? I wonder if there is anything God can give me to help me hang on during this nerve wracking waiting period. He gave me 1 Peter 1:3-4 "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In His great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil, or fade- kept in heaven for you."

Here's what I have been holding on to from these verses:

1. It is because of His great mercy that we have a living hope. If God gives a new life to me, why should I be fearful of death? My hope in him is living.

2. The babies that I have lost are being kept in heaven for me. I will see them someday. I have not lost them forever, they are being kept. So whether this one lives or dies, my hope is living and cannot be lost. It is beyond hoping for something...it is hoping in Someone who loves me and knows each of my little ones as his own.